WHEN THE ANGER RAGES

The other day I was lost in thought pondering about how hard must I hold back my words when I feel upset to the limit and would like the person the other end to know that they have crossed the line?

“My head is spinning”

That is my expression for “I’m so irritated right now”. Yes Yes I know, it makes no sense right? Many of my friends too do not quite get the drift when I say that. Plus my facial expression is not so helpful in getting the massage home. So this is when I go dumb and just stare at the person.

But honestly in such moments my head spins for real- ok it’s a feeling of nausea. Like my head is about to burst and my vision is blurred. Of I can’t even get hold of my breath.  Now at this moment all I need is silence in the room or walk out because a lot is happening in my head.

I am processing what the person is saying, feeling angry, controlling the feelings, analyzing the cause of the fight, deleting the annoying words and statements being made, forming my “after fight talk”, editing it, deleting it, wondering whether you don’t see/feel/suspect/smell the anger raging, do you even care about me or our relationship (this is open by the way, friend, family, colleague name it).

As in my head is too busy, I guess that’s why the spinning happens.

Now all of us experience annoyance and react differently, some throw stuff around, others cry, I know someone who will say all the hurtful stuff they do not mean to and forget they said them after the fight, and another who will just beat you- hahaha you know like slap you real swiftly with no hesitation!!!

Anyway, the scene in real time. I am becoming more and more irritated, my head is about to burst.

Person: blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah (that’s what my head was registering- It was spinning remember). *giggle*

Me: Just SHUT UP, I do not want to hear from you, not ever again, You are so insensitive, mean, pretender, I HATE YOU- what? may be I don’t. You know what? Let us just part ways.

Ooops…That was all said in my mind. Nothing was verbalized so the other person heard nothing. There was too much mental processing to manage speech.

Fast forward. 8hrs later.

It felt like an illusion, No trace of either anger, resentment or bitterness, all happy, humming around taking a shower.

Thought process activated.

Are still angry?

No

Does the cause of the fight make sense at this time?

Hmm… No

Do you hate that person?

Of course not!

Do you remember that saying “DON’T SAY ANYTHING OR MAKE A PERMANENT DISSION WHEN ANGRY”? Do you understand it now?

Because, you still like that person and value your relationship. BUT the words you would have said would be right now lingering in the other person’s head, causing a vast flow of all kinds of emotions and imaginations and yet, YET, yet you can’t take them back.

Your reasons for getting upset cannot be refuted, your feelings of betrayal, anger, irritation, etc are valid. Yes you are right in getting upset. Yes it’s not fair. Yes they need to know they are out of their place with you. BUT.

Isn’t your relationship with them worth much more than a feeling of “I have won, I was Right, now you have a piece of my mind, yes, and they have learnt their lesson.” Sometimes we have to lose so that we gain. Hours, days, weeks, months or even years later, the fight won’t matter anymore. You will either have an ex-friend, ex-wife/ husband, ex-partner, ex-children or parents (with little or no relationship) or learnt lessons, stronger relationships and great memories.

No one wakes up in the morning and part of their TO-DO-LIST has things like

1. Annoy Joy,
2. Fight with Linda,
3. Abuse so and so.

Well, if there are such people with an agenda to annoy, then they need to be loved. Please love them out of bitterness. But if the person is not in that category, forgive them and do not hurt them with words that you actually don’t mean.

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. Ephesians 4:29 NKJV

You have enough love to give. Keep giving.

END OF THOUGHT PROCESS