Almost a year later!
I see that look!!
Yes it’s been a while. Anyway, I have always wanted to share this story, so here it is!
My journey of leading worship or singing.
Hopefully someone will be encouraged or have a good laugh or learn a thing or two.
“My singing career started…” hahaha. OK. Sounds cool when celebrities say that. Moving on…
When I first was part of a singing group was in high school. It was a catholic school and we had, still have the winning choir in equal voices at every year’s competition.
I joined the school in Form two in the second term but didn’t join the team until the following year. I really loved to sing but I didn’t have the confidence to do it before crowd and also, I was not sure I had the voice worth listening to.
I remember when I went for auditions, the choir master played some notes alone the keyboard scales as I sang them, he looks at me and says “join any voice you want” The choir was divided into 4: soprano 1, 2, and alto 1,2. Well I chose soprano 1 because I liked still do love singing high notes. Though a debate went on in my heart about why the guy didn’t just choose for me where to go like he did others.
Anyway, life goes on I enjoy all the trips to different places for the competitions and the late-night rehearsals, I could sing the whole night and never get tired. Here in the choir is where I learnt basics of music. I loved every bit of my life in the choir.
I join university and joined no music team. Why? I felt like all the teams I tried to join were jokers, being a perfectionist then, I wanted people to know songs beforehand which the case wasn’t, I really had little patience for bad singing or slow learning of songs before rehearsal. I was also used to having a “serious” team leader, so I found the leaders of the choirs at campus to be unserious. I decided that I would do my books and have peace learning songs and singing in my room.
While at campus I joined worship harvest ministries. If you have encountered this place, you know being a pew warmer is not your option for a long time. Before long worship harvest Entebbe was planted, meaning I could not go to the Kati Kati location during holidays anymore since home was in Entebbe, that’s how I join the worship team at Entebbe. Please note, there is a fat difference between a catholic choir and a contemporary team where when you are the worship leader you have the loudest microphone.
Some people love those loud microphones from when they are you, I HATED it. It freaked me out hearing my voice not just through the monitor but louder than any other person’s voice. I was so self-conscious that it paralyzed my whole being. I was used to “sing loud enough but soft enough to hear your neighbor”. This was all new and frightening. I still loved sing but dreaded the microphone. I was fully convinced that I wanted to be a backup forever, don’t push me to lead.
My leaders on the other hand, had seen something that they were not going to have chills for even if I cried. The put me on the rota to lead worship for months. For many weeks the congregation didn’t know who led worship because I refused in fear to take charge and lead during the sessions! How selfish!! Anyway, since my leaders had their decision made and I couldn’t leave the team, I allowed to fail until I learn.
Every Sunday I led worship, I didn’t listen to the word because I was busy beating myself up on what I missed to do, how I didn’t sing as well as I want to, wondering whether I obeyed God in the session, were people ministered to, did they meet God. And soon God started to address all my issues, one by one. Training me to trust Him, to love my voice, challenging me to grow it, to learn music, to prepare the best way I can beforehand, to learn His voice, how does he communicate to me. Soon I started to grow as a worship leader and started loving it.
I started to see what God was doing in me. I started to learn to let go of me and embrace God working in me. I am still on this road of discovering this ministry through music. What does it mean “to minister unto God”, What does it mean “to be at the forefront ushering people into the presence of an awesome God”, what does “worshipping God with all I am” mean to me?
Last year I moved to Kenya to pursue my masters and this year I joined the worship team at Trinity chapel Kilifi. I am learning among all things “surrender and humility”. I am learning what it looks like to take my best and give it to God and then receive whatever He does with what I have given Him.
I am hungry to see the kind of worship where we behold God in His full splendor, where it’s not about the worshiper but the worshipped. Where hearts are mended, miracles happen, where as we worship blind eyes are opened, disease flee, lame limbs walk, and His kingdom comes. I look forward to the time where we worship God in spirit and in truth. The kind that brings walks down. Hahaha. For real. I believe if we can fully give ourselves to God, we will see HIM.
That’s my story. Still being written. Still learning stuff. Not where I dream to be but not where I used to be. If you are a worship leader, embrace the journey, embrace God and take a walk with Him. Also answer these questions for yourself.
1. What does it mean “to minister unto God”?
2. What does it mean “to be at the forefront ushering people into the presence of an awesome God”?
3. What does “worshipping God with all I am” mean to me?
4. Am I giving God the best of me right now?